Post-Hypnotic Return

“Ever heard of post-hypnotic suggestion? You suggest something during hypnosis, which is planted in your subconscious and you act it out when you are awake. Still haven’t figured it out?”

- Antagonist in OldBoy, a wealthy revenge artist and suicidal incestuous jailer

________

It’s the day of the old small town American road race, 4th of July. Moving out from the shoreline vista, the stubbly green grass shades my periphery in a comforting hold, a grounded reason to be. As I continue on, I’m almost ahead, winning. Then, I lose my direction. I go my own way.

Now, I race against myself. Do I try winning, or simply enjoy the home forest surroundings, the dense thicket, a tragic green wintering my eyes with the loss of childhood, riddled with the muscular pain of defeat, swallowed in the haste of my own speed? 

I meet others on the way running towards me, however, I deliberately go my own way now. The forest welcomes, I run with abandon, at my own pace, towards my own need. The road meanders welcomingly. 

I know the end is near, though I entertain the seaside heat, met with proud ocean and a longing for unity with the open sound, struggling to hear my lofty footsteps, touched upon the gravelly now. The escalating tide shows me a path back to face the finish line.

________

Road

"Traveling over a rough, unknown road in a dream, signifies new undertakings, which will bring little else than grief and loss of time. If the road is bordered with trees and flowers, there will be some pleasant and unexpected fortune for you...To lose the road, foretells that you will make a mistake in deciding some question of trade, and suffer loss in consequence. To see a road in your dreams indicates your sense of direction and the pursuit of goals." (iDream)

________

Sunday moans,
voicing the rhythmic confusion
in darkened & cultured blocks

...

with smoky tears wrung dry
the lover's bedroom clothes

- excerpt from "sick in a sick society: western addiction" 

Woolf, Submerged In Idleness

Christiaan Tonnis - Virginia Woolf (1998)

It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.

- Virginia Woolf (Source)

Idleness is the parent of all psychology

- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (Source) 

"The statements of every religion, of many poets, and so on, are statements about the inner mythological process which is a necessity because Man is not complete if he is not conscious of that aspect of things." C.G. Jung from "Matter of Heart" (Part 8)

_______

A friend from Central African Republic invites me to follow him as he runs through the jungle, practicing for a race. I watch him tread the waking ground, a delicate step, and light footprints on the unsteady ground. A narrow tunnel opens through the thick upturned ground and low-lying canopy. An old, very tall Caucasian man runs alongside, in exercise clothes, drenched in sweat. The sun boils the moisture, even through the dense layers of African rainforest. He races on, continuing without me, full of life and vigor. Later, we both sit at a cheap restaurant. The city around us is gray and bitter. A host of flies mocks our enjoyment with pointed annoyance. The man from the C.A.R. is grounded, with a strong smile, though uncomfortable in the restaurant for foreigners. I walk home after, alone, through the sickly grass aside a highway. My building lies ahead, embedded in patchwork concrete, almost unlivable, weak with age.

______

Race
"To dream that you are in a race, foretells that others will aspire to the things you are working to possess...Dreaming that you are in a race signifies that others are envious of your achievements and want what you have...Running in your dreams may also symbolize the energy levels, the strength, or the force that you have to get through life." (iDream)

______

as moment's inspiration passes,
across from me, an embodiment,
that is love.

dreaming in seeds 

( ,,,***... )
browned, cooked nights,
leading my eyes into the unwavering boundless beyond,
outside our balcony

...

raised with ephemeral delight,
a turning of the road commences,
our path clarifies as it dims to an other,
though faring bold, with an immense laughter,
a humbling draws one in,
to the other

- excerpts from "silent trust"